I have absolutly nothing of value to post here othe than the I HAVE THE COOLEST ICON EVER!! lol.. it jsut takes forever to see the entire thing.. but it still makes me laugh!

That it is.. i'm officially ove ryour stupid 19 year old imamture retarded ass face stupidity.. did i mention IMMATURE and stupid bullshit?!

Needless to say it make have taken me a year of being your frined to get here.. but i'm finailly here.. i shoudl have listened to them all last year when they told me this is how it would end.. i defended you.. but it's a mistake i'll never make again... i am pleased to note we ARE NO LONGER FRINEDS!

so thank you to those of you who watched out for me.. who warend me fo this shit.. and told me i deserved better.. i'm sorry i didn't listen to you all sooner.. but thank you none the less!
Loves you all!

Love was SUPPOSED to be enough.. it was supposed to beat everything that went against it.

But now.. i'm sad.. and alone.. and confussed as fuck! I didn't expect them to dispise him like they do.. and i sure as heck didn't expect them to just expect me to be ok with how they feel.

I'm scared and i feel utterly alone. I can't explain how i feel other than alone and sad. i want him here.. i want him to tell me eveyrthing is ok.. even if he doesn't believe it. I have nothing left to prove to him.. he knows i love him.. and that is supposed to be enough.

I won't ask him to change for me.. i won't be that girl.. i refuse to be.

I just don't know anymore.. nothing is right.. and everything is messed up!

I'm not here to sleep with him.. i'm not even here to try to sleep with him.. ok so maybe part of that is a lie lol.. but i owe it to myself to be here.
I've spent so long following my head.. not taking the chance.. focussing on what was.. not on what could be.. so i'm here.. i've been invited.. and i'll take eveyrthing in stride.. i'm not sorry I came.. i refuse to be.. for the first time in a hell of along time I'm throwing caution to the wind.. and I'm following my heart...I owe it to both of us..

Happy Heart Day all!

It takes alot of nerve to pass judgement on something you don't understand.. it takes even more nerve to as susual make it all about you.
You have no right to judge me.. no right to make assumptions, and then instead of finding out what's really going on.. you go ahead and assume you understand.. just becaue i didn't tell you something.. which i didn't tell anyone for that matter gives you nu right to talk down to me.. it's none of ur businesss and if i decide to tell you then it becomes your business.. but just because i didn't tell you doesn't mean you get to talk to me like i'm five, and lecture me about friendships.. if i don't want to tell someone something that's my right.. not yours.. so keep your sorry excuses to yourself.. because until you want to apologise for talking to me like i was an idiot, telling me i clearly care nothing about you.. and then jumping to conclusions that you didn't even make an effort to find out about.. then I dont want to talk to you.

Fuck you!
You are living up to your ass-hat names pretty damn well right now!

You ahve some nerve making me feel guilty for something i didn't do.. i shouldn't of had to tell you I had plans tonight.. you were part of them.. REMEMBER.. then you ditched me to go sledding.. then you get angry that i'm not going to armour hill after the piggy.. well if you ditch me to go with them.. how am I supposed to know you siddenly want me to meet you there after.. then when i tell you i'm not you get all angry that i didn't tell you i ahd pans in the first place.. WHAT THE FUCK is you're problem.. seirsouly.. i don't deserve to be talked to like this.. not from you.. not now.. so fuck you.. right now i get why everyone hates you.. cause you're an ass sometimes.. and this is a perfect example of it!

Oh look.. you've decided to unblock me from msn.. and you actually think i want to talk to you.. grrr.. *ANGER SWORD!*

//Edit//
I think it might actually be over *cries*

We cannot choose how many years we will live, but we can choose how much life those years will have. We cannot control the beauty of our face, but we can control the expression on it. We cannot control life's difficult moments, but we can choose to make life less difficult. We cannot control the negative atmosphere of the world, but we can control the atmosphere of out minds. Too often we try to choose and control things we cannot. Too seldom we choose to control what we can . . . our attitude.

I started this this morning at 11 when i got home from my exam.. but then i fell asleep, so i'm finishi

( 16 things survey )

It's 11:11 when i started this.. so make a wish.. or as Kat will point out I say that about just about every time of the day lol. I've got an hour to waste before my next class, and Maggie and i are in thelibrary. We're procrastinating, cause our exam only took an hour.. when he gave us two to write it.. so we've got nothing to do for the next hour before class starts. I'm kinda glad that i've got sociology done.. means i've only got the other four to worry about. I've got to finish my essay once I get home tonight.. then Jess is coming by around 9 to go to Tom's hockey game.. then i think we're coming back to my place to play some Halo or what not.. i know tom and I are.. not sure about Jess. Kat.. i'm gonna miss you.. lol.. but i'm gonna see you in like 4 hours once i get home. I'm not sure if any one of us is going to out 2-3 class.. it's pointless cause well.. the only things we ever talk about are running sheos and bikes in that class.. that we know that since it's the last class of the year that it's going to be ever more redundent and stupid. I just saw finny for like the 5th time today lo.. he followed me to the bathroom earlier this morning... not on purpose.. he was going to the room right next to it.. but we both thought it was funny.

Ok so this is the most pointless entry of my life.. and it's only take me 5 minutes to write all this.. nothing overtly exciting right here.. boourns.. ok well i'm gonna go procrastinate on facebook.. byes!

Ditchers suck... especailly after they go on and on about how they want to be there for me when shit sucks like it does now.. well boourns to you and your non christmas-tree buying ass!

Just a quick message for you smelly..


HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATHRYNE!!

Welcome to the 20-something club!

I spent the entire week hoping this wouldn't happen.. and it does.. and i'm tired of it.. i'm fucking had enough of it all. yes it happened yet again between them.. atleast this time they didn't even try to lie to me.. but i'm done!

Well since i haven't written anything on here in a few days i'll cover all the enjoyment and excitement of my life

1) Tuesday Night sara decided to take a random 4 hours bus ride to peterborough, only to stay here for 4 hours and home on the next bus home.. weird.. random.. i know. yet still fun!
2) I'm about to have a nervous breakdown from all the work I need to get done before ppl come down to visit next week
3) Kat is going to england next week.. I have no idea what i'm going to do with this place while she's gone.. i'll miss you smelly!!
4) Mayo is three mounths old today.. happy bithday little Hammy hampster!
5) Fount out today that Sara and Tom made out on my birthday.. yes.. this whol tom and sara thing is still going... one would have assumed by now that everything would be settled.. yet not a day goes by where I don't hear about it.. or find something else out about it.. it's rather repetative now.. and annoying
6)Last night Tom and Timmy showed up.. i tried to teach timmy Trig.. that didn't bode wel.. but meh.. i got further than ppl thought I would lol

LATERS

You know there's a problem when i start to scare myself...

It's done.. our friendship.. sure it lasted a few years.. it's done! You have crossed the line not only with me.. but with your own boyfriend.. it's done!

Anger doesn't even express how i feel right now.. you knew how upset i was about him adn sara.. you did the same thing.. the next fucking day!!!

I'm done!

I feel utterly alone.. well i know i'm alone cause no one is here.. but you know when bad shit happens to you and normally you'd turn to the same few people.. well i'd turn to two while i'm here.. one of them physically isn't here.. she's at home and it isn't fair of me to call and cry to her.. and he's got his own shit to deal with.. it isn't fair of me to ask him to come help me through this.. it's just tough needed people and kwnowing that you can't ask for help because people aren't around.. and it's no one's fault.. it just sucks

I've spent the last 3 hours talking to him.. i'm not sure how many more it'll be.. but it appears that maybe he is letting me in.. atleast more than he was.
I hate that i can't make him pain away.. i hate that he cared about her so much and all she did was hurt him and play him.. i hate that i can't make it better.. that i can't make things better... it's a horrible feeling knowing that someone you care about is hurting.. and you can't do anything to make it better.. i feel so hopeless.. he's crying now.. and it's making me cry because i can't fix it...

"There is this certain feeling you get when you crawl into a bed with a boy. The feeling does not alter under the circumstances of whether you would be doing anything sexual or not. It's a feeling of warmth and safeness, a feeling that most girls would die for. So next time you do this boys remember what you are doing and receiving. You are getting her trust and that would be another word for "The key to her heart". So dont break it."

Well these past few days have been interesting... i guess that's the only way to explain it. They broke up.. or rather she dumped him after a bad fight.. he walked away.. he knows it's for the best.. but it's killing him.. and i can't help but feel bad for him. I'm glad that he's turned to me during all this.. i'm glad that he trusts me enough to admit that he's hurting.. most of all i'm glad that he's letting me in.. sure it took a while.. but i do realy believe things are going to be ok...

I'm done.. and yes maybe i have said it alot of time and never meant it.. or said it in hope that after a while i myself would believe it.. but now i really am done.

I didn't deserve what happened last night.. he was angry at her.. not me.. yet i'm the one he takes it out on.. he wants to tell me i have no right trying to fix things.. then fine.. i won't be your friend.. if that's what he wants so bad.. then i'll just sit here and do nothing. I don't deserve to be talked ot like that.. I don't deserve it.. and last night it hit me.. like a mac truck.. but it hit me hard enough to break my heart to the point of no return.

So this is it.. i'm not going to put anymore effort into this anymore.. i am through with it all.. if he wants to be my friend.. well it's his turn to fight for this... not mine.. it's about time i started to respect myself and take care of myself.. because this is beginning to take a toll on me emotionally.

So thank you to the friends i do have left.. who have put up with me and my baggage for a while now. i'm sorry for any drama or shit that i've caused any of you.. believe me.. that wasn't my intention at all. you've all been there for me through all this.. so thank you! I owe who i am right now.. or atleast the person i'm trying to be to all of you.. because you've shown me that i deserve better than this.. you've shown me that i do matter and that i deserve to be treated like a human being.. so again.. thank you! I know some of you have been fustrated watching me put myself through all this.. and i know in your positions i would have done the same.. but i guess it's easier to know what to do than to actually do it.. and I know you get that.. it's just hard.. it always is.. nothing is ever easy....